Through It All

Yesterday was filled with emotions for me.  Cody told me in the morning that his chest (right near his heart) was  burning/felt sore.  He told me this was probably the fourth time he has felt something there.  He said this was the first to feel the burning and soreness together at the same time, though.  I remember him telling me several weeks ago how his heart felt like it was beating really fast/racing.  I called the doctor because I never know what is something to be concerned about and what could be linked to all that is going on medically with him right now or as a result of Kawasakis.  I was later sitting with him on the couch talking, and he told me that he basically doesn’t remember a time in his life where he has ever felt good for a long period of time.  That broke my heart.  I prayed with him there, and, afterwards, he told me that he prayed in bed the night before that God would help him feel well at Grandma and Grandpa’s house this week.  He is so excited to see them and just wants to enjoy his time there.  While talking with a couple nurses, I was unsure if we were even going to be able to make our trip to Ohio for Thanksgiving, unsure whether we would be running tests again.  Mom is starting back on chemo…I really want to see her.  Also this week, after calling about Cody’s pill cam I found out that the GI office never submitted the forms to the insurance company to get approval, so we will now be waiting another 10-14 days.  It hit me as I sat there with Cody on the sofa that, as I wait for these doctors, they are human and make errors.  And no matter how much knowledge they may have there are just some things, many things, that they just don’t know.  And I suddenly felt broken inside because I finally felt like I was giving up control (which I never really had in the first place anyways) and turning it all over to God.  He is the only one who knows Cody.  He is his Creator.  He is the only one who can look inside of him and knows exactly what is wrong.  There is a song I heard growing up in church that I always loved to hear.  It has a beautiful tune, and one particular verse always stood out to me, and it was echoing in my head all day yesterday…

“I thank God for the mountains.  I thank Him for the valleys.  I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.  For if I never had a problem, I wouldn’t know that He could solve them…I’D NEVER KNOW WHAT FAITH IN GOD COULD DO.”