Dear Abigail

Today I was cleaning out my closet and came across a slip of paper that I pulled out of a fortune cookie years ago when I found out I was pregnant with Cody. We had just told Shawn’s parents the news that weekend, so after we passed out everyone’s fortune cookies this is what mine said: “Children’s laughter, so beautiful to hear, soon will be a chance to have them very near.” I thought it appropriate at the time. I forgot I had even saved it. It brought back such sweet emotions.

And now…we are expecting baby number 4 in just a few short weeks! I remember when I found out about 8 months ago that I was expecting. I ran out to Gymboree and found a Big Brother shirt for Dylan to surprise Shawn when he came home from work. He was oblivious…he scooped Dylan up when he got home, chatted away to me, but never did notice Dylan’s clothing. I guess I was thinking too much like a woman when I chose clothing as a means to telling him the big news! Anyways, we were all very excited!

We went out to dinner at Kitaro’s that evening to celebrate. Kitaro’s is my favorite Japanese restaurant where they cook the food in front of you. Shawn, Cody, Anna, and Dylan had never been before, so I wanted them to try it before any morning sickness set in. (smile) They LOVED it! The kids left feeling so impressed that Daddy was able to catch every bite of food in his mouth that was thrown to him by our chef! I’ll never forget the sick feeling (and I’m not talking morning sickness) in my stomach the evening we all went to the hospital for my 20 week ultrasound. I was about to find out whether we would be having a boy or a girl. Before then, Anna talked about how she would like a sister, and people kept commenting that maybe it would be a girl. I knew God’s plan was perfect, and I was feeling very confident that He knows best. Boy or girl would be perfect, and Anna would be fine if she didn’t get a sister. So why as we pulled up to the hospital doors did I suddenly have a terribly uncomfortable feeling that this baby just HAD to be a girl??? I remember Shawn dropped me off at the doors, and I began praying fervently. I remebered how before we started a family Shawn and I had 4 names chosen, 2 boy names, 2 girl names. I kept telling God I felt like our family would be missing Abigail, like life (our family) just wouldn’t be complete without her in it. I asked for God to not let me feel disaapointed if it was a boy. And what kind of mom am I to feel such things??? I just had this twisted knot in my stomach at that moment, feeling like we were missing Abigail still. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, that I began wondering about baby number 5! I didn’t tell Shawn the turmoil that had come over me but just kept thinking and praying in the waiting room. The ultrasound tech eventually called us back to the room. Early into the ultrasound, I asked the tech if she thought she knew the gender yet (they wait until the end to tell you). She said she thought she did, but she was never looking specifically for that information yet. I figured we were having a boy since a boy seems to be the easiest to determine in an ultrasound. She walked us through everything, letting us know our baby was developing just fine and that everything looked very good. Then, drumroll please, she said it was time to find out if this tiny child inside me was a little boy or girl. Aah, the anticipation! She told us most definitely it was a GIRL! Tears immediately filled my eyes. Cody and Anna got excited. They had both said they were hoping for a girl. I turned my head to look at Shawn, and he also had tears forming as well. It was such a special moment. God had given us all four children we had dreamed about years ago! His plans are perfect.

That Sunday we sang a song at church that brought tears to my eyes as I thought about what God had done. The lyrics meant so much to me right then:

“You have gven me more than

I could ever have wanted

And I want to give You my heart and my soul

You alone are Father

And You alone are good

You are alone are Savior

And You alone are God”

This song is special to me during this pregnancy as we sang it again another Sunday, months later, when I really needed to be reminded of these words again. God is in control, and I am freshly amazed of His love and working in my life! Can’t wait to meet you soon, little Abigail Joy!